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How do you wipe your ass?

In what position do you wipe your ass?

  • Total voters
    52
I'm a stander upper, aswell as a looker. If you don't know whats left to get at, your just gonna leave a mess in your pants!

EDIT:
Also, those of you 'weirdos' that sit down, surely after dropping anchor at poo bay, you won't be able to admire your achievements?

Or do you stand up and take a quick peek first?

I mean come on, thats the best part! Unless its a stealth poo..
 
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Milanista said:
I wipe upwards, who wipes downwards? If i see after the first swipe that therse quite alot to wipe, I do pretty long deep ones to capture more of the shit. The best shits are the ones that leave no stains at all.
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Though the stainless shits are usually the dry hard rocky 'painful' ones. Often an indication of a bad diet.
 
foxtrot said:
Do you clench your cheeks together to 'cut' the shit off? Or do you remain relaxed for the duration until no more comes out?
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It depends, surely. If you're waiting for five minutes then you have to cut your losses, otherwise you can save yourself five minutes of wiping and wait.
 
Does anybody find sometimes (to quote Foxtrot) "you clench your cheeks together to 'cut' the shit off" by accident? That you go to shift position on the toilet and the cheeks involuntarily do this, even though you were trying to wait for the shit to dive in?
 
this is the best thread for about a year. really made me laugh. i'm a stander upper and was surprised to find out there were sitting downers out there. siiting down involves too much diving in for my liking. when you stand you have an oppotunity to keep your distance. seriously some of the posts were classic, although i'm not if you were trying to be funny nor if anyone else found any of this funny.
 
Well, I'm impressed with the turnout of the poll, but I'm somewhat concerned over the dominance of the sit-wipers.

Now I'll have to be on the lookout for any anti-stand-wiping legislation that may be pushed into law by you sit-wiping majority bastards.

I assume most of you sitters have vaginas or something, because a real man would stand up and confront his ass bung. Hey, I'm just talking here.
 
The thing is, the bowl is big enough that even whilst sitting, theres enough room behind to stick your hand down so why do you need to stand if you can reach anyway?
Maybe we're just lazy, I dunno.
 
Besides wiping while standing, has anyone every pooped while standing?

I have, (drinking was involved), when I took a dukey while in the shower. I then had to urinate of the poopy to get it down the drain.

Wow, my wife was not happy when I told her about it (yes, I'm classy) the next morning. I then backtracked, of course, and told her I was joking. But I was not joking, and it was fantastic.

EDIT:

For the record, I did also wipe my ass while standing after a stand-up poop. Anyone who claims I should have sit down to wipe is ridiculous.
 
Wait a sec, my last post also raises the issue of dumping outside the comfort of a trusted poop station. There is no way that you sit-wipers have never pooped while standing. Surely you must have crapped in the woods or in some disgusting public toilet at some point in your life?

I refuse to believe that after a standing poop you would then conduct a sitting wipe.

For example:

You've misjudged your bowel movement timing and are now stuck in the woods with no toilet or paper... you pop a squat behind a tree, then start foraging for a large leaf with which to wipe. Here is where the tale deviates into 3 possible scenarioss:

1. You are able to forage from a squatting position, possible requiring a comical walk.
2. You stand back up to forage.
3. Your quite prepared and foraged in advance.

Now, 3 never happens. If you had the foresight to forage in advance, you should've had the foresight not to get stuck shitting in the woods in the first place.

So either you are really dedicated to a sit-wipe and actually squat there, dangerously prone to attack from a predator such as a jungle cat or ninja, and wipe yourself with a leaf like some woman... OR you stand up like a man, fashion a snare from the forrest, catch a squirrel or rabbit, show that rodent who's the boss, and stand-wipe your ass like a man.

There is no way that you sit-wipe people wouldn't stand after a shit where you had to stand or squat do to sanitary conditions. Liars, all of you.
 
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I think I speak on behalf of all the sitters when I say that, if we were to crap in the woods, we'd just bend our knees and stick our ass out as if we were sitting on something. So it would be basically the same.

And I dont see how being prone to an attack from a predator of some sort be an arguement cuz what would a guy standing up do? You surely cant run whilst crapping.
 
Anyone that stands up to shit has got something fucking wrong with them.And as Rune send we would just bend over and shit, i know a bloke that if he shit's outside he sticks two pence in it when hes done.
 
:mrgreen: LOL - Class EJ.

Don't woman wipe their ass sitting down? :roll:

Anyway, surely there must be some serious repurcussions wiping sitting down.

Do you just wipe and hope for the best? Or is there an examination at every wipe to see what has gotten at? If you examine surely there's the possibility of a stray piece of shit hitting the butt cheeks or hairs when your trying to maneauvour your hand through little gaps? ALSO, there must be a serious smell of shit from you sitter dowers too, imagine having to bring that wad of crap round to your face to examine it, imagine how much of the body that has to come into contact to get to it's viewing point? Us standers just flick an old neck muscle and see the result then drop into the bog.


FD
 
OMG, this thread is damn funny!

Anyways, im with the sitting group, tried standing today, and it was fine as well, but i guess i prefer sitting as im too lazy to stand-up...
 
Am I the only one who's arse is too big to wipe when sitting down? Either that or the toilet seat is small. I'd have to have hands and arms the size of an Action Man's to get between my cheeks.
 
Jack Bauer said:
Am I the only one who's arse is too big to wipe when sitting down? Either that or the toilet seat is small. I'd have to have hands and arms the size of an Action Man's to get between my cheeks.
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You raise a good point, I was just about to ask how fat all you standers actually are?! :lol:

It never crossed my mind that it might have actually been the fact you overflow the seat which would cause you to obviously not be able to fit your hand back there to tidy the pork scratchings.

Maybe you could use your more mobile front appendages as a sort of poo wipe allowance flap. Lift them up with one hand while sending the other hand under to explore. Sounds a bit awkward to me though, hmmmmmm.:-k
 
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