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funny jokes
- Thread starter marukomu
- Start date
- Staff
- #452
- 16 July 2004
- Team
- LUFC O.K.
PRO_TOO
Team Heffernan
the turkish national team at the current Euro's! 
I read some post and where are the funny jokes?
- Staff
- #456
The funniest joke is over here.
Sorry, I don't understand. What do you mean with this comment?
- Staff
- #458
It was a joke... Never mind, I tried to make you laugh and now I give up.
Ok.It was a joke... Never mind, I tried to make you laugh and now I give up.
Coming a horse in a pub. Asking the Bartender. Why so long face?
- Staff
- #460
Andy
Evoweb Jester/Stadboardmaker.
Marcus Rashford is on his way to Budapest, after hearing of 40,000 Hungary fans.
- Staff
- #462
An old one but one I always liked, best told in person.
Two deaf guys walk into a pub in Burnley. One gives his mate a twenty pound note and says: "You get the drinks in. I'll find us a seat."
So the guy goes to the bar and orders two pints of lager. The barman serves him and gives him two pounds change.
"What's this?" the deaf guy asks, looking at his change. "You charge nine pounds a pint in here these days?"
"Nah," the barman says. "We've got a live band in tonight. There's a £5 cover charge. You and your mate, that's a tenner."
"You'll have to slow down a bit so I can lip read, I'm deaf."
The barman repeats is slower
"Live band?"
"Live band," the bartender confirms.
"What, rock and roll, Indie, hip-hop, grunge...?"
"Country and Western," the barman replies.
"Ri-ight..." the deaf guy says as he takes the drinks.
He rejoins his mate. Puts the drinks on the table.
"Where's me change?" the friend asks.
The first guy gives him the two quid.
"What? They charge nine quid a pint in here now do they? You must be joking."
"No, they've got a band on so there's a £5 cover charge."
"A band?"
"Yeah"
"Who is it?"
Two deaf guys walk into a pub in Burnley. One gives his mate a twenty pound note and says: "You get the drinks in. I'll find us a seat."
So the guy goes to the bar and orders two pints of lager. The barman serves him and gives him two pounds change.
"What's this?" the deaf guy asks, looking at his change. "You charge nine pounds a pint in here these days?"
"Nah," the barman says. "We've got a live band in tonight. There's a £5 cover charge. You and your mate, that's a tenner."
"You'll have to slow down a bit so I can lip read, I'm deaf."
The barman repeats is slower
"Live band?"
"Live band," the bartender confirms.
"What, rock and roll, Indie, hip-hop, grunge...?"
"Country and Western," the barman replies.
"Ri-ight..." the deaf guy says as he takes the drinks.
He rejoins his mate. Puts the drinks on the table.
"Where's me change?" the friend asks.
The first guy gives him the two quid.
"What? They charge nine quid a pint in here now do they? You must be joking."
"No, they've got a band on so there's a £5 cover charge."
"A band?"
"Yeah"
"Who is it?"
"Some cunt from Preston."
- Staff
- #464
Chap & his wife go to the fairground, In the corner they see a stall selling "Magic Mirrors" for a hundred & fifty quid.
Chap : "What's this about then" ?
Stall Holder: "You just stand in front of the mirror & ask for what you want & instantly your wish is granted"
After a little haggling the chap gets one of these mirrors for a £100...barging !!. He takes it home & hangs it on the back of the bedroom door, The wife stands in front of it & says "Mirror mirror on the door make my breasts a 44"... BOOM her breasts double in size.
Chaps says "I'm having some of that"...He stands in front of the mirror & says "Mirror mirror on the door make my penis touch the floor" .. & his fucking legs fell off !
Chap : "What's this about then" ?
Stall Holder: "You just stand in front of the mirror & ask for what you want & instantly your wish is granted"
After a little haggling the chap gets one of these mirrors for a £100...barging !!. He takes it home & hangs it on the back of the bedroom door, The wife stands in front of it & says "Mirror mirror on the door make my breasts a 44"... BOOM her breasts double in size.
Chaps says "I'm having some of that"...He stands in front of the mirror & says "Mirror mirror on the door make my penis touch the floor" .. & his fucking legs fell off !
- Staff
- #465
Good joke.
Okay guys. Just only one joke.
Now we know where was Messi in last one and a half year. Because nobody seems to has seen him with PSG team on the pitch.
He was by the other 🐐 in the zoo to learn his own namemahmahmahmessssssi!
*badatsssss*
Now we know where was Messi in last one and a half year. Because nobody seems to has seen him with PSG team on the pitch.
He was by the other 🐐 in the zoo to learn his own name
*badatsssss*
jaygrim
TheAllSeeingEye
When do we get the joke?Okay guys. Just only one joke.
Now we know where was Messi in last one and a half year. Because nobody seems to has seen him with PSG team on the pitch.
He was by the other 🐐 in the zoo to learn his own namemahmahmahmessssssi!
*badatsssss*
- Staff
- #468
ZeRoberta
Premier League
- 30 September 2009
Love this Political uncorrect Humor.
etb10dmk
* my favorite PES horror story...€urosFootball !!!
- 30 July 2021
- Team
- Manchester United
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Flipper the Priest
International
- 15 July 2003
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.
You can close the thread now.
Because he kneaded a poo.
You can close the thread now.
Andy
Evoweb Jester/Stadboardmaker.
This is an old one you may/may not have heard...
A man, ready for a nights sleep, walks into the bedroom, to find his wife sat up in bed, rubbing her titties with toilet paper. "What you doing?" he asked.
She said " i was watching this program on TV today and they were saying that doing this will increase the size of your breasts".
He replied " I can believe that, because it's worked wonders for your arse.
A man, ready for a nights sleep, walks into the bedroom, to find his wife sat up in bed, rubbing her titties with toilet paper. "What you doing?" he asked.
She said " i was watching this program on TV today and they were saying that doing this will increase the size of your breasts".
He replied " I can believe that, because it's worked wonders for your arse.
Gonna need update on that one.
- Staff
- #475
Andy
Evoweb Jester/Stadboardmaker.
Here is a collection of well known and not so well known (because i made them up).
"what do you call a man or woman?" jokes.
Old ones from google...
They were off the net, so thought i would add to it....
what do you call a woman, shouting at passers by?
what do you call a woman who likes to gamble?
What do you call a man not wearing any underwear
what do you call a selfish woman?
What do you call a man, who can't find his car?
What do you call a man or woman, stood between two buildings?
What do you call a Mexican fireman
What do you call a man with a stopwatch in his hand?
What do you call a man who is good at odd jobs?
What do you call a man who always gets stopped & Searched?
What do you call a wealthy man?
What do you call a poor man?
What do you call a woman, who cares for sick animals?
What do you call a woman who is over burdened with shopping bags?
What do you call a man playing a small drum?
What do call a woman who is good at stealth?
What do you call a woman who has been burnt to a crisp?
"what do you call a man or woman?" jokes.
Old ones from google...
With a spade on his head (Doug)
Without a spade on his head (Douglas)
In a brown paper suit (Russell)
With a seagull on his head (Cliff)
With no arms and legs in a swimming pool (Bob)
What do you call a man with a plank on his head ?
Edward !
What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head ?
Edward Wood !
What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head ?
Edward Woodward !
What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head ?
I don't know but Edward Woodward would !
What do you call a man with a car on his head ?
Jack !
What do you call a man with a lavatory on his head ?
Lou !
What do you call a woman with two lavatories on her head ?
Lulu !
What do you call a woman with a bunch of holly on her head ?
Carol !
What do you call a woman with a cat on her head ?
Kitty !
What do you call a man with a crane on his head ?
Derek !
What do you call a man with a map on his head ?
Miles !
What do you call a man with a car number plate on his head ?
Reg !
What do you call his brother?
R Reg !
What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head ?
Anita !
What do you call a woman with slates on her head ?
Ruth !
What do you call a man with some cat scratches on his head ?
Claude !
What do you call a man with a stamp on his head ?
Frank !
What do you call a woman walking in a strong wind ?
Gail !
What do you call a woman with a tortiose on her head ?
Shelley !
What do you call a woman with a twig on her head ?
Hazel !
What do you call a man with a kilt on his head ?
Scott !
What do you call a man with a legal document on his head ?
Will !
What do you call a man who with a coat on his head?
Mac.
What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
Warren.
What do you call a man who with two coats on his head?
Max.
What do you call a man who can't stand?
Neil.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that lies on the floor?
Matt.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.
What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu.
What do you call a water skier with no arms and no legs?
Skip.
What do you call 2 men in the window?
Curt and Rod.
What do you call a lady with just one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a chinese lady with just one leg?
Irene.
What do you call a woman with a screwdriver in one hand, a knife
in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes on her left
foot, and a corkscrew between the toes on her right foot?
A Swiss Army wife.
What do you call a girl with a sunlamp on her head?
Tanya
What do you call a girl with a laptop on her head?
Adell.
What do you call a man who's not religious?
Godfrey
What do you call a man with an elephant on his head?
An ambulance
What do you call a man who prays a lot ?
Eamonn.
What do you call a man with boiled beef, potatoes and carrots on his head?
Stew
What do you call a woman sitting on a slice of bread?
Marge
What do you call a woman with a pint of lager balanced in one hand, a pint of bitter in the other and a pint of Guinness on her head?
Beatrix
Without a spade on his head (Douglas)
In a brown paper suit (Russell)
With a seagull on his head (Cliff)
With no arms and legs in a swimming pool (Bob)
What do you call a man with a plank on his head ?
Edward !
What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head ?
Edward Wood !
What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head ?
Edward Woodward !
What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head ?
I don't know but Edward Woodward would !
What do you call a man with a car on his head ?
Jack !
What do you call a man with a lavatory on his head ?
Lou !
What do you call a woman with two lavatories on her head ?
Lulu !
What do you call a woman with a bunch of holly on her head ?
Carol !
What do you call a woman with a cat on her head ?
Kitty !
What do you call a man with a crane on his head ?
Derek !
What do you call a man with a map on his head ?
Miles !
What do you call a man with a car number plate on his head ?
Reg !
What do you call his brother?
R Reg !
What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head ?
Anita !
What do you call a woman with slates on her head ?
Ruth !
What do you call a man with some cat scratches on his head ?
Claude !
What do you call a man with a stamp on his head ?
Frank !
What do you call a woman walking in a strong wind ?
Gail !
What do you call a woman with a tortiose on her head ?
Shelley !
What do you call a woman with a twig on her head ?
Hazel !
What do you call a man with a kilt on his head ?
Scott !
What do you call a man with a legal document on his head ?
Will !
What do you call a man who with a coat on his head?
Mac.
What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
Warren.
What do you call a man who with two coats on his head?
Max.
What do you call a man who can't stand?
Neil.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that lies on the floor?
Matt.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.
What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu.
What do you call a water skier with no arms and no legs?
Skip.
What do you call 2 men in the window?
Curt and Rod.
What do you call a lady with just one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a chinese lady with just one leg?
Irene.
What do you call a woman with a screwdriver in one hand, a knife
in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes on her left
foot, and a corkscrew between the toes on her right foot?
A Swiss Army wife.
What do you call a girl with a sunlamp on her head?
Tanya
What do you call a girl with a laptop on her head?
Adell.
What do you call a man who's not religious?
Godfrey
What do you call a man with an elephant on his head?
An ambulance
What do you call a man who prays a lot ?
Eamonn.
What do you call a man with boiled beef, potatoes and carrots on his head?
Stew
What do you call a woman sitting on a slice of bread?
Marge
What do you call a woman with a pint of lager balanced in one hand, a pint of bitter in the other and a pint of Guinness on her head?
Beatrix
They were off the net, so thought i would add to it....
what do you call a woman, shouting at passers by?
Maddie
what do you call a woman who likes to gamble?
Betty
What do you call a man not wearing any underwear
nicholas
what do you call a selfish woman?
Amy (Aimee)
What do you call a man, who can't find his car?
carlos
What do you call a man or woman, stood between two buildings?
Ally
What do you call a Mexican fireman
Jose
What do you call a man with a stopwatch in his hand?
Mark
What do you call a man who is good at odd jobs?
Andy
What do you call a man who always gets stopped & Searched?
Pat
What do you call a wealthy man?
Richie
What do you call a poor man?
Rich Hard
What do you call a woman, who cares for sick animals?
Evette
What do you call a woman who is over burdened with shopping bags?
Carrie
What do you call a man playing a small drum?
Tom
What do call a woman who is good at stealth?
Heidi
What do you call a woman who has been burnt to a crisp?
Cindy
Last edited:
Flipper the Priest
International
- 15 July 2003
