Uncle Andrey
Another terrific installment of Andrey Arshavin's Dr Phil-esque Q&A page to bring you now.
These need little comment, so here are the choice cuts from the latest round of questions:
'Question: Andrey, what do you think people need pain for?
'Arshavin: For people not to forget that they are mere mortals. Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.'
'Question: Does anybody go in for sports in your family?
'Arshavin: Me.'
'Question: Hi. I am 25 years old and I'm still not married. My parents are very upset about this. They say I can end up a spinster. But I don't want to get married yet. What shall I do? (Sorry if this is off topic; just want to know your opinion)
'Arshavin: I think I can help you.
'Step 1: You need to find a scruffy heavy drinker.
'Step 2: Once you've found him, try to persuade him to "marry" you. I think that for a small amount of money, he will agree to fulfill the role of your fiancé
'Final: Bring this guy home. Tell your parents he'll live with you
'I think next time they will think better before forcing their opinion on you.'
We love Andrey.